Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
Randomize
