and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
