He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
