I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
I think I am morally bankrupt
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
