Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
The convent might be a nice break from real life
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
Randomize
