I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
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