the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
