i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Randomize
