Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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