wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Randomize
