so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
