You're so nebulous sometimes
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
