we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
Randomize
