Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Randomize
