??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize
