I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
