I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Randomize
