I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
Randomize
