You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Randomize
