so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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