At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
BRING THE BAGELS
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Randomize
