i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
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