you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
