I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Randomize
