Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
