trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Randomize
