how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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