They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
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