They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Randomize
