She is in my trunk
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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