I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
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