I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
