I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
