no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
