so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
