just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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