Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
