There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Randomize
