That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Randomize
