I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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