3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
