so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
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