who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
