Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
