I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
I feel like abortions should bother me more
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
Randomize
