my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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