All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
