Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
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