never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Randomize
