I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
