drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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