Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
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