i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
Randomize
