I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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