I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
