you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
3pm strippers are depressing
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
