Need sex. Gaining weight.
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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