It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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