I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
even my farts smell like vagina
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
