Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Randomize
