Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Randomize
