She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Randomize
