I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
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