he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Randomize
