im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
The ass gains better be worth it
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