i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
