whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
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