I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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