Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
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