It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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