That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Randomize
