New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
