i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
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