i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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